just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
