oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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