mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
