i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize