May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
