why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
