i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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