Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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