just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
