I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
