Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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