dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
