He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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