just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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