It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
