I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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