i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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