Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
