I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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