Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
