Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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