she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
