It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
