Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
