All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
