I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
