his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
