I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
