how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
