You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
