hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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