feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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