Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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