This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
