We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
