I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm passing your future prison.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
