This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
