I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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