so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
