Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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