I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
