Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
