How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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