True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
