I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
