Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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