One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
