He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
