Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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