My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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