Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
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