you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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