well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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