Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
