Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
