It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
