I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
