somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
