he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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