it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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