my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
