**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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