I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
