Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
