chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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