the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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