ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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