I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
