Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize