I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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