The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
