why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
