This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
They have beer where we have blood.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
