Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
